If you’re a long-time visitor to the site, you’ll probably remember Deborah and Melissa’s wedding, which featured a kilt, a Wiccan handfasting, and lots of amazing Tarot-themed details. Just last week, the couple celebrated their third wedding anniversary, and Deborah wrote to us with an update!
Give us a life update! Have there been any major milestones since we heard from you last? (New houses, new babies, new brownie recipes to share…)
Our lives have changed so much for the better, it’s amazing. My son moved into his own place. I’d been chafing in my dull suburb for a long time, but I sure didn’t want to buy a new home for the three of us. After he moved, I left the door open for him for a year, and then started fixing up the house to put on the market. We found the perfect place, a dream apartment in the “Historic Downtown” neighborhood of Jersey City! (You’ve actually featured an engagement shoot in my neighborhood.) So, we went from a suburban townhouse near a mall and not much else, where we were usually the only same-sex couple within sight for weeks at a time, to a trendy, diverse urban neighborhood, and we couldn’t be happier.
We also sold both the old cars and got a brand new Subaru (oh, the cliché!)—only one car needed in the city. We honeymooned in St. Croix, and visited Brazil a year later. The following year we were too busy moving to travel, so now we’re figuring out what our next trip will be.
What is your favorite thing about being married?
I love both the emotional and practical things about sharing my life. Finances are so much easier, after fifteen years as a single mother! I love making decorating decisions (and then implementing them) together. I love a sounding board. I love snuggles. I love someone to pick up the slack in the house. All of the things that mean “partnership.”
What do you fight about?
Our communication styles are really different. Sometimes we fight about whether or not we’re having a fight, or why we’re having a fight, which is just about as insane as it sounds. I’m a talk-everything-out type, she’s a silently-think-it-over type. When we do it my way, she feels emotionally flooded, and when we do it her way, I feel bottled up and frustrated. We’re still finding a path through that.
What advice would you give to people who have just gotten married?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard better advice than Dan Savage’s “price of admission.”
What do you like best about your spouse?
She’s smarter than me. She’s so smart. I love bragging that I am married to a history professor, I think that is so cool. She has a long list of amazing qualities, but that’s my number one.
Describe a typical day in 5 words or less.
Work Work Eat TV Work
What is one thing you and your partner do to relax?
We love going to the movies, or curling up with Netflix at home.
What is the best wedding gift you received?
Cards Against Humanity with three expansion packs!
What moment from your wedding still stands out the most in your mind?
So many! Melissa pretending to steal the wedding cake, our first dance to “This Must Be the Place,” my first dance with my son to “Ca Plane Por Moi”, my son diving across the room and catching the bouquet, Melissa singing to me (we had karaoke), watching the Perseid meteor shower as the reception wound down.
If you had to compare your marriage to a food or animal, what would you choose and why?
We’re like a housecat—a little overfed, a little lazy, but content and really, really cute.
Brides Revisited is a series in which we check back in with the couples who’ve appeared on our site in the past. If you and your one true person are interested in being featured, we’d love to hear from you—whether you call yourselves brides, brooms, spouses, or something else entirely!