As hard as it has been, when I think back to the beginning of this process I can’t help but smile at the immense hope and excitement that Angela and I had going into this.
We had talked about children and how they fit into our life plans from the get-go. Angela always knew she wanted (read: had to have) children. Although I never particularly thought of myself as a mother, as our relationship grew and our love for each other solidified I was convinced that we had to share that love with children. I had fears and hesitations (how can we be the perfect parents… we can’t) but even with our normal deficiencies it felt right. I told Angela that I didn’t want to start trying until our first anniversary because I wanted the first year to be about us. But six months into our marriage I couldn’t wait to get started.
The donor selection was daunting and time-consuming – no one seemed good enough to contribute to our child’s genetic makeup. After three months of searching we selected a donor and bought the maximum amount of sperm. We then began the process of selecting a fertility center. I remember going into our first appointment and asking the doctor whether I would be able to go on a family vacation in September assuming I was seven months pregnant. He wisely told me that we could cross that bridge when we got to it. In reality when that vacation rolled around I was just recovering from my first miscarriage.
Angela and I decided to start with Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI) which is a slightly more high-tech turkey baster method with success rates around 15%. Our insurance didn’t cover any fertility treatment and this method is significantly less expensive than In-Vitro Fertilization. We followed our clinic’s instructions of using drug store ovulation predictor kits; once I got a positive on the OPK I was to go in the next day for insemination. We chose to do back to back inseminations because no one can determine EXACTLY when you ovulate. For example, if the OPK showed up positive on Friday morning I was to go in on Saturday and Sunday mornings for two days of insemination. We did this process three times and each negative pregnancy test at the end of the two week wait after insemination was brutally painful. I had no fertility issues and had a period like clockwork. Why wasn’t this working? After three back-to-back IUIs we had blown through six vials of our precious donor sperm (at $665/ vial plus shipping and storage) and all we were left with was heartache.
Our doctor reminded us that most hetero couples take longer than three months to get pregnant and that we would just have to keep trying. They didn’t even bat an eye while we sat in misery. We decided it was time to get serious. Even though IVF is significantly more expensive (and still not covered by our insurance) we only had the emotional capacity to deal with one or two more negative pregnancy tests. With the insane amount of monitoring and medication and pre-IVF appointments that needed to happen before we could move forward we had to wait a couple months until our cycle began. Once it did it was no joke. Injections, pills, daily transvaginal ultrasounds, ovaries and egg follicles the size of Texas, mood swings like you wouldn’t believe. But we were feeling good. This was going to be it.
In June I had 26 mature eggs retrieved, 19 fertilized (using three more of our vials of sperm) and five made it to really good quality day-five blastocysts at which point I had two transferred back to my uterus (and three frozen). A mere five days later I had a positive result on a home pregnancy test. We were over the moon. We began to research obstetricians and muse over baby names. We even discussed announcing the pregnancy to my family at our big September family vacation by giving my mother a birthday card with a coupon for a grandchild. Corny, I know.
As reality began to settle in I started to worry about miscarriage. I wasn’t overly anxious or stressed about it but I was aware of the realities of miscarriage rates (approx 25%) and based on how bad we wanted this pregnancy I knew our pain from a miscarriage would be brutal. And it was.
I began to bleed about five weeks into the pregnancy. The doctor was closely monitoring us and seemed pleased that our HCG hormone level was continuing to rise right on target and the gestational sac was exactly the size as it should be. We continued for another couple of weeks thinking that even though I was slightly bleeding everything was going OK. At seven weeks our doctor broke it to us that things weren’t actually OK. Things weren’t progressing as it should. On top of that because my hormones were continuing to rise (rather than decrease) my body wasn’t going to miscarry naturally and I would need a D&C. Although the D&C in itself wasn’t too bad, it is impossible to describe the emotional pain associated with having a very wanted pregnancy scraped out of you.
After weeks of tears and painful cramps life began to get back to normal. We still had three frozen embryos and more importantly we still had hope. The fact that we were able to get pregnant was a very good sign. I had the doctors perform extensive testing that is typically only done after repeat miscarriages but I wanted to go into the next cycle knowing everything. All my test results came back perfect.
Last Fall we were able to try again. Because it was a frozen cycle I didn’t have to do much to prep for the transfer. I stopped drinking, I ate a ton of fruits and vegetables and I went to multiple acupuncture sessions. To the chagrin of our doctors, we gained approval from the clinic director to transfer all three remaining frozen embryos. We were out of money and couldn’t afford to do any more fertility treatments. But most of all, we were ready to make this happen.
Five days after the transfer I received another positive home pregnancy test. We knew this was it. It is not super common for women to miscarry twice in a row unless they have fertility issues (and I didn’t). We were nervous because we still felt the pain from the last go-around but we really believed that this was the one. At six weeks I began to bleed. With the first pregnancy we weren’t sure that bleeding meant the end for us. This time around we had no doubt.
But, we were wrong. It turned out the pregnancy continued to progress and the bleeding was caused by a subchorionic hematoma. Angela and I are now well into our second trimester with TWINS – a boy and a girl!
It has been an extremely rocky road and this pregnancy still has a few hurdles to overcome but we are hoping and praying and thinking positively because we have made it this far.
I shared this lengthy recap of our experience because I have received a few questions from readers about our trying to conceive experience and I am happy to answer any questions that you may have.
Weddings forthcoming… thanks for your patience.
40 Comments
Congrats on your twins!! How amazing!!
Many congratulations to you two! This is wonderful. I know exactly the pain you have gone through. Several IUIs, a miscarriage in my second trimester…and having that baby scraped and suctioned out of you (I’ll never forget that sound), and then on to IVF. The injections, ultrasounds, bloodwork, being poked and prodded constantly. Alas, my daugther is now almost 9 year old. What a blessing…and it was all worth it! Much love, happiness, and wonderment to the two of you as you venture into this beautiful state of motherhood!
Monique
So excited for you both! Your little family is in my good thoughts and prayers!
What an incredible blessing, thank you for sharing it with us! Your site has been such an inspiration to me and has brought me so much joy and hope, and getting to read a story with such a happy ending for your family is just icing on the cake
I am a birth doula/midwifery student and I cannot wait for the day where I assist in a lesbian couple’s birth… Let me know if you decide to have your twins in Las Vegas, ha!
The way you talk about all this pregnancy-thing, the way you keep saying “we are pregnant, we were able to get pregnant”, just shows how you share together everything about the pregnancy and, as it seems, about everything else. Can’t wait to see your sweet babies
Hey, we sent our best wishes for you and your 2 babys !!!
In this times it is so important, that EVERYONE ,heterosexual AND homosexual, can get kids. They are the best thing on earth.We are also pregnant, i`m in week 38, maybe our girl comes on April, the first.We wish you all the love you need and want, and that your twins are healthy ! Jessi + Markus
Awesome news! I think “A Bicycle” should probably also feature baby/family pictures, just as it does engagement pictures. While babies aren’t for everyone, they are for you and for Kate and I (due this July!) and I think seeing representations of lesbian and queer families on the interwebs is important.
Sorry for the soap box, I just love how your blog has featured two of the best moments in my life … Wouldn’t it be neat if it would feature the next one?
We are so proud of you two and humbled by your honesty in sharing this very personal journey with us! These are two of the most special babies ever already and we can’t wait to help you guys spoil them
xoxoxo – T & C
Mazel tov! What wonderful news! And thanks for sharing the WHOLE story, including the painful parts!
Thank you so much for the wonderful comments and your support. We are terribly excited. It has been so hard to keep this from all of you.
Tami – we are so excited to have met you two and to now have you in our lives.
Kate & Austin and Markus & Jessica congratulations on your soon to be babies.
Holly, Sarah, Micaela (I read yours comment to Angela), and Shannon (is this the Shannon Thompson that I KNOW?) thank you for your warmth and for making us feel embraced.
I’ve had other requests for the blog to feature queer families so let’s see what happens…
Ahhh! This is so incredibly exciting to hear/read! TWINS!!! So so excited for you both and I can’t wait to hear/see more!
congratulations!!!
Congratulations!!! I can’t wait to have babies with my girl!
BABIES!!! Congratulations!!!
Many congrats!
Tracey,
Jen and I are thrilled for your news and thrilled you are having twins! Congratulations! Our best friends (a gay male couple) live in San Diego and don’t really have many queer friends. They are so great. Would you like me to introduce you? Again, SO happy. You will be an awesome mom!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! and Twins!!! yay!!!! so happy for you two!
I am so happy for you both! Twins!! How Exciting-CONGRATULATIONS!
super-happy for you. =) congratulations!!
CONGRATULATIONS to you both!!!! Or, I should say, to all FOUR of you!!! And, the extended family too! I love this site so much and it has been a huge source of positivity in my life! I always know that no matter what’s going on I can turn to onabicylebuiltfortwo for a smile and reassurance that life is good and beautiful! My Sunday mornings in bed with my girlfriend are not complete unless I’ve visited this site, even if there isn’t a new post there’s so much to search I definitely have not seen it all! AND, I’m so happy that there will soon be two babies that get to have you two for parents! THANK YOU SO MUCH for this site and all your work on it! Your babies are already a couple of the luckiest!
You two are astonishing! You’ve been facing all this AND moving from NY to CA, posting wedding & engagement blogs? That’s like being in a super tough matrimonial boot camp. Best wishes and congratulations to both of you — to the four of you.
congratulations!. just like you I wasn’t sure if motherhood was for me, until I met and fell in love with my beautiful wife. 7 long years later after many many tears and triumphs we have a son and a daughter. we simply wouldn’t change a thing (except to have our marriage recognised here in Australia!!).
look after each other and hold onto your hats!!, you are in for one hell of a ride!.
x
Congratulations! Wishing you the best to you both and your growing family!
Congratulations! Wishing you the best to you both and your growing family!
You have me in tears. I am beyond excited for you both! Sam and I can’t wait to get started on this process and I would love to smother you in 100 more questions! Ah! So exciting!
Yes! I’m the Shannon from SKF!
I read your blog all the time…it’s so nice to see weddings and families like mine. Thanks for doing what you do and congratulations again!
felicidades que este embarazo llegue a final termino de manera adecuada. Y que en unos meses tengan entre sus brazos a esos hermosos gemelos una gran bendición para ustedes
Thank you all again! Bernadette, we would love to meet up with the couple here in SD.
Elise, email me with your questions.
Congrats to you both!! How very exciting and we can’t wait to start our own family. I found your website a few months ago (never commented) hopefully will soon submit our own wedding photos – getting married in May in NYC. Looking forward to following this journey.
Just want to add something: as I commented, I followed your post and I kept on receiving all these sweet comments. It helped me through the week and let me think about how happy you are and we all could be. Thank you, once again.
hugest congratulations!!!!!! this is such wonderful news
very best wishes to all four of you!!! xoxoxoxo
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You two are an inspiration to us all! Best wishes and I cannot wait to see their beautiful faces. Be Well!
I’m going to be an AUNTIE!!! I am so happy for you sisters and honestly can’t wait to meet the little peanuts! So much love for you, Ang, and the baby Beals!!
Yay!!! So excited for you two!!
XOXOXO. Thanks for sharing. So THRILLED!
Wow! Congratulations from Stephanie and I. I am catching up on your blog posts and so happy to read the good news.
I’m so thrilled for the both of you…lucky little lives you are bringing into this world. Congrats – you will be wonderful mamas!
Congratulations!!! That is such fantastic news! I work in an IVF centre in the UK and I know how hard it is going through the process…what a rollercoaster. I’m glad that you had such a happy outcome. I have no doubt that these babies will be showered with an abundance of love and affection.
just got the shower invite and have perused your registries and loved reading your baby journey story… can’t wait to celebrate these precious babies. oxoxoxoxoxo
Love you both so much and couldn’t be happier for you. I cannot wait to meet these little angels! Loved reading your journey and they will too one day! Xoxo